May I put life on pause and catch up on sleep? Can I find some space from the children to plan for the children, an upcoming school term, with thoughtfulness, grace, and purpose? Is there anything more beautiful than barn swallows swooping through the light pink and pale blue early morn? Is there a reason I feel like crying even though I have a supremely blessed life? How do I conquer all the piles in my home, piles of books, piles of clothing, piles of fabric for curtains, piles of hopes, dreams, piles of dishes needing tender loving care? How can I not miss the moments that are flying by, the teeny toes, the little eyes looking at me with their own questions pooling deep behind, and the butterfly fluttering on by? How can I enjoy the warmth and sunshine of summer from my deep, dark nursing chair cave, a sticky, squirming, DARLING, boy suckling from my breast? Where do I find mental room for on-going, never-stopping conversation swirling, rising and falling around me? How does my marriage grow and become beautiful without attention? Where do I find the well of energy, creativity, and get-up-and-go to cook for these lovely eaters here? Where do daring dreams go when they are crowded out by equal and lovely daily dreams? How does the weight melt off when one finds themselves in a sitting season? How do you know what is the next right thing to do? Where does one go after the last sip of delicious morning coffee or afternoon tea is gone, the empty bottom of cup reminding you of something? How do you find a prayer to pray when the reservoir is dry? How do you answer all these exhausted questions that float up and out and settle on down around your bowed shoulders? How do we take up our cross and follow when our ground lies fallow?

Just a few of the questions I’m asking myself today.


16 thoughts on “Questions

  1. This was so beautiful and honest. I resonate with most all of these questions and you put them into words that exactly affirm what I am struggling with. Thank you for sharing your heart. I don’t usually comment but I had to this time. I don’t have answers but know you are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I was caught up in two tweens and a baby, I watched my mother when we visited my parents. I wanted to know from the depths of my weariness, “How do you keep on going all the time?”

    She answered with the words I’ve held onto for decades, “When you get older, you get a second wind.”

    I must be on my fourth or fifth wind by now. The older I got, the more I prayed.

    Please remember a blogging friend has told you it WILL get better. I’m praying for you, and God will never abandon you. Hang in there! God bless you and your household.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am also humbled and inspired by your questions. We’re here by your side, watching you, crying and smiling with you.

    I love you and I am at loss for words. I read your heart through your words with empathy, tenderness, and with that hope that, as your first commenter said, that we should get a new wind as we age.

    Waiting for Him.

    Be gentle with yourself and give you time to get to everything that’s not imminent or urgent. It’s okay to not get back to school soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Love you, sister… Honest, raw, and sincere/pure… These type of questions bring a type of healing even in the asking. Opening up in honesty lets God flow in. Praying a song of “Grace, grace” over you. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The beauty and pathos of your words brought me to tears today.

    The beauty of those TOES makes me want to kiss my computer screen!

    Love and prayers to you, Amy!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Amy, this is so beautiful. I didn’t find it sad; I found beauty in the honesty and openness which captures not only that period of overwhelm immediately after a newborn’s arrival but can be applied to any period when life is in transition or turmoil because you have framed it in love, grace and benificence. I wish you gentleness and quiet in those small gaps between the busyness. May the swallows continue to bring joy, the butterflies continue to bring wonder and your beautiful family – from oldest to newest – wrap you in love just as you do for them 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I understand your plight. Rest assured you are doing noble and great works that truly do make a difference in the lives of your dearests. Yes even laundry and washing dishes. You my dear are building the home. A home your children will always remember and tells stories about to their own children. Do not underestimate the power of your motherhood-it is mighty and more valuable than I can tell you. Go well and with confidence in your mission.

    Liked by 1 person

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