Gratitude & Glories: {February & March 2021}

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The Simple Woman’s Daybook

Happy Good Friday! ❤ We must endure the darkness to see the light! ❤ Hold on, Love is making a Way!

For February/March 2021

Looking out my window… February was gray and temperamental. We got a big snowstorm early in the month that dumped 8” on us. Good ‘ole northern midwest. I confess February is a hard month weather wise for me, dreary and dark. Dear March, thank you for rescuing us from February. 🙂 March brought hints, whispers of loveliness to come…the trilling of Red-Wing Blackbirds, daffodil spears poking up, and crocus smiling up at us. We had some lovely warm days and some shockingly cold ones that make the warm ones all the more sweet. The first day of Spring was another gift of March and we’ll take hope in any way we can get. The end of March brought Robins, too, rain, and deep, delicious, rich loamy smells, and the spring peepers are serenading us from the pond at night. I won a Snow-Drop plant on IG and can’t wait for NEXT spring to see it bloom!

I am thinking… about SO much. I’ve been reading massive amounts and watching rather too much Youtube. Ha. I took the last couple of weeks off of Instagram and it’s been lovely to immerse myself in my library book stack and interesting ideas via Youtube. A booktuber that I love over there is Chantel at An Intentional Life and a silly, but interesting one that is a sort of mashup between goofy pop culture and classical music is TwoSetViolin. If you want to stretch your brain, here are a couple of mind-blowing channels: DarkHorsePodcast and Jordan B. Peterson. I don’t love EVERYTHING that comes out of these channels, but if you listen when scrubbing mounds of dishes, you may come out with something to mentally chew on and feed you.

I am thankful… for my hubby, who has been working SO hard to get the new-to-us wood burner working properly and breathe a little life into our tired vehicles. He also is sending me on THREE different little getaways this year. One related to my health and two for inspiration related to our Charlotte Mason home educating. So lovely and such a blessing! I’m so thankful for the weather turning, life springing forth, and for the Resurrection. Such an amazing and important part of my faith.

One of my favorite things…early morning quiet time with my coffee, Bible, books, journals, and candlelight. Then after, my littlest comes down and snuggles with me for a bit in my chair. He chatters in his baby language and all’s right with the world for a few minutes. He’s SO snuggly.

I am wearing… black jeans, my powder blue button down, and a 3/4 quarter length striped sweater. It has powder blue, browns, and pinks in it. I got the whole outfit thrifting or on clearance. I also have on my dangling pearl earrings. My hair is terribly in need of a cut, but I’m so lazy to go get one. I have it in a messy bun. 🙂 I’ve been still wearing a lot of scarves, because of the cold, but soon I’ll have to pack them away.

I am creating… oh boy. I knew this prompt was coming. I only seriously wrote on my story last month TWICE. 😦 Yikes. I didn’t meet my goal of making it to 20,000 words. New month, new opportunity. I have yet to confess to my writing buddies this travesty. 😉 Can I blame Youtube? Ha. Anyway, I’m planning on buckling down and hitting it this month and my reward will be this sticker for my laptop. Isn’t this darling? I want it SO badly. Come on, Amy. Wrestle with the work. Wrangle the words. Sit in the seat.

I am watching… well, besides those things above, I found this version of Elizabeth Gaskell’s “North and South“. I still prefer the Richard Armitage version, but this was a pleasant watch.

I am reading… SO much, but I especially enjoyed the medieval-like, fantasy Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (I’ve heard negative things about the second book, so I’m not reading it as I really, REALLY loved this one!), a time-slip, middle-grade, portal story, Fog Magic by Julia L. Sauer, and Okay for Now by Gary P. Schmidt, which was HEART-WRENCHING and beautiful story focused around domestic abuse, Audubon, and Jane Eyre. The Rivers Lead Home by Emily Hayse was a collection of sparse, beautiful short stories about brave spirits in wilderness who battled survival situations. I loved this one, because it made me FEEEEEL. Cartwheeling in Thunderstorms by Katherine Rundell was an amazingly delicious and warm unique adventure for middle graders, centered around a girl raised in Zimbabwe and sent to an English boarding school. I’m not a huge historical fiction reader, but someone recommended Ruta Sepetys to me and I read her Salt to the Sea and it was amazing and heart wrenching. Focused on four different evacuees from war-town parts of Europe in Germany. Wow. When the Emperor was Divine by Julie Otsuka was another historical fiction centered around the horrific relocation of Japanese Americans to interment camps during WWII. It was sparse and written in such a way that is displayed the psychological horrors along with the physical deprivations and abuse. I read a lot more in February and March, but those probably were my favorites. I’ve been also reading Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Matthew and dipping into John here and there. I have a few Lenten/Easter devotionals going as well, my favorite being Bread & Wine: Readings for Lent and Easter. As always, I’m just LOVING prayasyougo app each morning to begin my prayer and meditation times.

I am listening to … Josh Garrels, my same ‘ole instrumental stuff, and my daughter twisted my arm to listen to this band 😉 and I guess it’s ok for dishwashing (I wash A LOT of dishes.), ha. Boy, I’m old. Brings back high school. 😛

I am hoping… to WRITE. I’m working on ideas for a poem using the atmosphere/vibes/stories of a cemetery for my online local writing group. I’d love to write some more poetry this month, too, as April is National Poetry Month.

In the garden… we have BIG plans and need to get moving on them. I need to invest in some black plastic to help with weeds and we are in the process of starting seeds. I dream of all the flowers etc, but need to put in the work! 🙂 My hollyhock plants are coming back. Nothing yet from all the lovely plants my friend Sandi gave me and my son and I transplanted last year here, but it’s early here. Still very cold earth!

I am learning… how to just take things one day at a time. One moment at a time.

In the kitchen…I’ve been VERY uninspired, but got a load of veggies from the grocery today and am planning lots of stirfry concoctions for the next couple of weeks and will serve them over brown rice for the kiddos. Any easy, lovely meals you’ve been enjoying? I’m excited to start grilling more.

In the homeschool room… we are plugging along, just trying to faithfully move FORWARD. It’s been very nice outdoors on and off and the younger children have been enjoying that. We’ve resurrected our morning walk when it’s nice and I LOVE THAT. We’ve really been loving the book King Alfred’s English and rereading The Chronicles of Narnia together. I am looking forward to the finish line, though. This has been a challenging year with 6 students and little guy running around.

Shared Quote

Build a little fence of trust

Around today;

Fill the space with loving work

And therein stay.

Look not through the protective rails

Upon tomorrow.

God will help you bear

What comes of joy or sorrow.

Mary Butts ~

Some moments from my day {month}...

Hubby and I visited a shrine on a little getaway together and it was beautiful.

Monday Ponderings {March 15th}

“How good and how glad it is to be grateful! The joy is not merely that we have received a favour or a little kindness which speaks of goodwill and love, but that a beautiful thing has come out of some other person’s beautiful heart for us; and joy in that other’s beauty of character gives more delight than any gain or pleasure which can come to us from favors.”

~Charlotte Mason, Volume 4, pg. 108

Gratitude & Glories: {January 2021}

The Simple Woman’s Daybook

For January 2021

Looking out my window… January was extremely cold, grey, yet with brilliant piercing sunshine-y moments. We had beautiful rime ice at the beginning of the month and lots of snow towards the end.

I am thinking… about teaching older children how to cook more! Teaching soup making, bread making, and various treats and sides.

I am thankful… that our extended family was safe from a horrific semi related car crash.

One of my favorite things… hearing my littlest son’s cute voice “meowing”. 🙂

I am wearing… I’ve been swinging between huge extremes of comfy pants & sweatshirts to nice jeans, shirts, & cardigans. Fluffy socks and my old, trusty slippers

I am creating… my children’s story, which I like to call Silverleaf & Wodwo. I’ve been typing all my handwritten mess into my labtop. I’m trying to get it all in one spot to more easily type and edit. I read a fabulous book about community with creativity and I contacted a couple of friends to share our work together. I need deadlines, so very excited how that is going!

I am watching… for a moment to stop at a quilt store to pick out fabrics for my oldest’ quilt that I promised as part of her Christmas gift. We’ve been perusing Jane Brocket’s The Gentle Art of Quilting and are loving the simplicity of designs, but visual punch from bright fabrics. Really looking forward to making this with her!

I am reading… so many things, but I’m trying to finish The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins. If you are looking for a clean, adventurous YA read, I recommend The Seventh City by Emily Hayse, an Alaskan setting and perfect for winter reading. I highly recommend Bandersnatch: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Creative Collaboration of the Inklings by Diana Pavlac Glyer, so very inspiring. I also have been enjoying some of Brandon Sanderson’s high fantasy, specifically the Mistborn Series, which was clean for the most part and very creative.

I am listening toTim Janis instrumental, Montana Cello, and “Little Things with Great Love”. Oh, and we all love this!

I am hoping… to continue getting my morning writing habits down, revamp homeschool a bit, we need a fresh breeze this time of year!

In the garden… my oldest son and I have been making plans, but nothing solid yet. Last year, it didn’t warm up enough for what we wanted to do until end of May!

I am learning… that I need to tread gently with myself and my family during this dark, cold time.

In the kitchen… been loving roasted zucchini (yes, from grocery store) with basil, garlic salt, sprinkle of parmesan. Also zoodles made with it!

In the homeschool room… it took us a bit to get back to the smoother days after Christmas, but now it’s better. However, I’m changing things up a bit now to blow in a freshness. We are loving reading through The Magician’s Nephew again together.

Shared Quote

“In front the sun climbs slowly, how slowly, But westward, look the land is bright.”

Arthur Hugh Clough

Some moments from my day{month}…

Gratitude & Glories: {1st & 2nd weeks of October}

Hello, Dear Friends! Forgive me for catching up a wee bit, the days fly by in a beautiful blur and I’m so thankful for them. Here’s what I’ve been so grateful in these autumnal drenched days of October…

:: beautiful trips away :: belated anniversary celebrations :: stern wheel paddle boat chain of lakes tour :: cabin-living :: steak, asparagus, and cheese dinners :: sweet & spicy tea sipping while watching a sappy, but sweet film called “Song of the Heart” ::

How can Love lose doing of its kind Even to the uttermost?

~ E. Arnold, The Cloud of Witness

:: early mornings with coffee and soaring pines at the cabin :: resurrecting writing dreams :: Amy Harmon’s Instagram videos, so lovely, poetry and encouragement :: gorgeous, still, pine-drenched smelling heaven outdoors :: a day shopping thrift and bookstores in big city with hubby, something we rarely do :: Cost Plus World Market, I love just window-shopping there :: Half-Price Book pursuing :: going out for Mexican food with my brother and sister-in-law and their two sweet girlies ::

Happy is he, Of whom (himself among the dead

And silent) this world shall be said:

– That he might have had the

world with him,

But chose to side with suffering Men,

And had the World against him!

~Elizabeth Barret Browning, The Cloud of Witness

:: Anna Karenina and Edith Wharton Ghost Stories :: late breakfasts :: mural admiring in a little town :: small local book store I visit every year :: coffee and stroll on enchanting covered bridge, admiring fiery and gold- drenched leaves next to the river :: an after dinner bonfire and tea :: chuckles at cheesy Nicholas Cage film that I love, “National Treasure” :: huge gathering of Great Egrets in a little wood as we drove, stopping to observe them ::

:: reading new-to-me Susan Cooper, Boggart, on way home :: orchard stop for big boxes of apples to bring the children :: new fresh month, with no mistakes in it :: devotions, Macbeth enjoyment with the kids :: teaching three of the children to make apple pie from scratch :: watching lovely gnome crafting videos on youtube ::

:: drying out my devotional materials after half a cup of coffee got dumped into them – they survived! Yay! :: visiting grandparents and bringing them a homemade apple pie :: getting to plant my mom some daffodils for spring :: ham and mash potatoes dinner well-received by hungry children :: planting 100 white daffodils with my 6 yo in honor of a line from a beautiful Jane Kenyon essay, the anticipation and tangible act of ‘practicing resurrection’ :: hubby and older children to a friend’s graduation party :: reading afternoon, fun book I won on Instagram ::

:: stopped to see and admire a stone angel headstone at a cemetry on our way to church, she is so sweet and represents something intangible to me. I couldn’t read the inscription except the year of 1912 :: a Sunday evening bonfire with hotdogs and smores for the children, singing, and admiring the stars :: wearing my huge, thrifted pink parka, getting a laugh out of the family for my coldness and weird 😉 style :: baby boy looking darling in his hat and flannel, he and the Saber-Toothed Tiger cat enjoyed one another ::

But when that which is perfect has come,

then that which is in part will be done away.

~The Holy Bible

:: laughs and improvising as we forgot to get our gas filled with the unseasonably warm temperatures, thinking up meals for cooking on griddles, grills, and in the Instapot was fun, in hindsight 😉 :: meeting up with my sister and chatting for hours :: crockpot chicken nachos for the save :: friend’s bonfire for some of our crew, volleyball included :: beautiful morning walk with children, talking about some of the themes in Macbeth :: Charlotte Mason online Zoom class with other moms talking, so refreshing :: late night film with my oldest daughter :: leaf prints by older children for our homeschool community group :: snuggles with baby boy :: You’ve Got Mail w/baby when he felt a bit sick :: gorgeous, warm weather :: library trips with oldest daughter surprising others with ice cream ::

:: older boys and dad on church retreat together :: hearing the news that precious one is ok after a medical scare :: hanging out with friends with my younger four :: continuing on a health journey for 10 months now (!), December will be my 1 year anniversary, so very grateful for the weight loss, better habits, and mental clarity :: gorgeous wind in leaves and sunlight dappled over afternoon :: watching a new version of “The Secret Garden” with my daughters, mom, and sister, enjoying my sister’s delicious chicken tacos together ::

:: butternut and spaghetti squash :: rereading The Hobbit weekends :: rollerskating with friends :: tennis matches for oldest :: rainy, drippy breakfast dates out for hubby and I :: big, fluffy, cream-ish 😉 colored sweaters :: hot, tasty decaf late at night :: two glorious hours of working on ACTUAL writing of my children’s story :: pouring over notes and dipping into lovely, inspiration from my stacks :: muted browns and golds shivering in the wind and rain :: glorious swirl of leaves in rearview mirror, I always look back :: going through a shower of leaves under a tree :: a beautiful autumn season to relish in ::

Be steadfast, immovable,

always abounding in the work of the Lord,

knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

~The Holy Bible

Gratitude & Glories {2nd week of September}

I’m thankful for this week…

~sugar-free BBQ in crockpot and sweet corn from a friend to cook up after church ~ a surprise 40th birthday party for my dear friend and she was very surprised ~the hardness of pressing through exhaustion, only to walk away with a blessing of good conversation after, I love that feeling! ~ my children getting to spend time at their friend’s home ~ baby’s crib being moved into the big boy’s room, bittersweet, but nice to have a quiet retreat, too ~

~ a lovely 18th wedding anniversary, early morning canoe ride and picnic in a little alcove on the lake, which we promptly dubbed Amos and Amy’s Anniversary Alcove. HA! 😉 ~ fajitas for lunch and a downtown walk around, taking some beautiful photos of old building details, flowers, patterns, and a green door ~ a lovely outdoor tree arboretum, which I adored and a thrifting stop~ countryside drive, taking more photos (trees! magical lanes! hay bales! my poor husband! 🙂 ) and soaking up views, and reading a bit of my thrift store book purchase ~ just falling into a soft, cozy bed and wiping the slate clean after long days ~

~ new, fresh mornings~ chilly, blanket weather beginnings ~ gorgeous flowers and trees on a long walk with the children to the little stream I call the “Withywindle” that’s just around a little bend in our road ~ caught in a shower at the end, my oldest saving some of her giggling, waterlogged siblings with the car, adventures are sweet together, are they not? ~ listening to grand music while nature sketching and journaling together, candle lit and tea brewing ~ just trying to remember how much I’ll miss the little hats, sweaters, and wet boots lying about when they are gone ~ picture book pile with my middles ~ interesting narrations and thoughts from all my children this week through the various books we are reading~ resting in my bedroom, working on little homemade Christmas gifts, while listening to Anna Karenina ~

~heat on for the first time this week, warmth and I love the friendly, ‘ole growl of the furnace coming around once again~ a lovely time out with my oldest daughter, my mom, and sisters to celebrate one of my sister’s 28th ~ laughing and reminiscing ~ my 8 yo playing so well with the baby ~ his belly and chubby little feet, so precious ~ the song “Find Me in the River”, a throwback from my teenage church group days, bringing comfort and memories ~ my oldest son gleefully making four loaves of bread, motivated by his long, hollow leg ~ afternoon school done, mom gets to read Thornyhold by Mary Stewart, what a cozy, light read, thanks for the recommendation, Katie! ~

~the return of chili in our menu, deliciously hot, daub of sour cream, sprinkle of cheese on top ~ the mismatched, thrifted, favorite dishes sparkling in the dinner candlelight, this very same light reflected in the eyes of my loved ones ~ pretty mugs filled with favorite coffee or tea, my go-to lately being Sweet & Spicy by Good Earth, something about the warmth of hot drinks this time of year, huh? ~ thinking about a book I just finished called The Year of Reading Dangerously by Andy Miller ~ perusing again The Private World of Tasha Tudor, so inspiring, from our library stack ~ lovely, thought-provoking devotional readings each morning from The Parables of Nature ~ short walk in gray weather, but beautiful after days of rain ~ zinnia, sunflower, and weed bouquets picked with my daughter, noticing dew drops on the face of the sunflower, what a face ~ late raspberries on bush ~ homemade pizza made for the children, jazz serenading our dinner ~ my BIL coming down for a visit, a dear daughter making a bed for him ~ gifted watermelons from grandpa ~

~ reorganizing and cleaning out my room, nice soothing corners to cozy up in ~ piles to be donated, garbage thrown out ~ continuing to dip in my massive Anna Karenina with more tea, Saturday’s with rain are sublime ~ pile of pancakes made with my two little boys helping me, mini pancakes made for them to eat while they waited, simple things make them so HAPPY ~ chicken “nachos” thrown into the crockpot, the smell permeating the house while the rain continues to drip, drip ~ a laughing boy comes up from our old, flooded (reoccurring issue) basement, dubbed the “fire swamp”, talking of leaping from “rock to rock” avoiding the swamp-y-est parts ~ laughter over messes is a thing to be thankful for, I guess, huh? 😉 ~ pumpkin muffins with melting butter for the all the children, extra in our freezer for our first homeschool co op meeting coming soon of the year ~ pages printing out for our new poet, I’m privileged to share her with our group soon ~ a husband who knows how to fix the above printer when it jams 😉 ~ for honestly, just sitting down, after a long week to type out this list, it makes me see, really see ~

So blessed~

What are you thankful for right now? I’d love to hear. Spread the joy. ~

{I was having technical difficulties this week. Sorry, no new photos to share.}

Gratitude & Glories {1st week of September}

~I am thankful for this week…

~ darling baby “reading” with the “click clack moo” cadence his Click, Clack, Moo book ~ postponed graduation party of a friend, so nice to visit for hours at a beautiful park ~ riding alone with my oldest to do an errand, uninterrupted time to chat ~ corn on the cob for dinner, sitting around and talking long with all the children ~ my husband playing Sheepshead with the children while I went to bed early~ letters of encouragement in the post ~ rereading my shelf, all the favorites that bring me so much joy ~ Pauline Banes illustrated end papers of Professor Tolkien’s words ~

~”walking in the fear of the Lord and the comfort of the Holy Spirit”, Holy Scriptures inspiring our first morning of formal back to {home}school ~ morning nature ramble for half hour after breakfast each day, poetry, devotions, and Scriptures ~ neat connections between Roman history and Hans Brinker of all things, by my oldest ~ sketching in our timeline journals called a Book of Centuries ~ reading of cow horn lanterns and time candles ~ all the lovely new books we cracked open~ hard adjustments, after all, first days are always that way, but good just the same ~

~elderberry syrup making by my 11 yo, Ella ~ convicting, helpful marriage reminders through an old book ~ one of my children working on a written narration from the Fairie Queen, really enjoying it ~ picnic table schooling in gorgeous, warm, flickering sunlight ~ watching an older version of Little Women with Greer Garson as Aunt March with my middles and littles. We really enjoy this version!

~Full gorgeous Corn Moon and very windy, my wind chimes singing away ~ seeing the lovely Butter-n-Eggs on our nature ramble, among many favorite late summer flowers~ drove older two for bank errand, post office stop, and ice cream scoop, very fun albeit, I’m a nervous wreck about number 2 driver’s ed student 😉 ~ Benjamin (6 yo) helping me make beef and brown rice for supper ~ Redwall or an OZ book being read in evenings before bed ~ old pair of jeans dug out and cut up, making slings, love when they get creative with what’s on hand ~ my 13 yo enjoying a video Latin program we are trying out ~

~starting earlier, getting done earlier, so we have time to do our own things ~ reading out on the lawn chair in the sun ~ our old folksong and hymn CDS being taken out and listened to, just like meeting with old friends again ~ lots of Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong while we work in journals or on copywork ~ a beloved daughter begging to read just a little bit more of The Secret Garden ~ delicious bucket of garden fresh tomatoes and basil from my brother and sister-in-laws garden ~ date out for a moon filled sky and cheese burger and veggies ~ new book in the post, Romancing the Ordinary, that looks lovely ~ apple, grape, and late raspberry snacks from our orchard ~ getting a big clothing/porch/storage area cleaned and organized while beginning to listen to Anna Karenina ~

So much to be thankful for this week! How ’bout you?

Gratitude & Glories: {1st week of August}

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This week I’m thankful for…

 ~a drive through dappled, morning sunlight, through hills, fields, woods, rereading Miss Read’s delightful Village School, a perfect pre-autumn school-ish inspirational read ~New Life Lavender’s Organic Shea Butter w/Lavender Essential Oil, soothing my eczema ~ wind chimes donging and tinkling peacefulness through the open window ~ a new, pale periwinkle type color of Morning Glory blooming Sunday morning ~ country drive with my husband that took us through new-to-us Amish homesteads ~ cool, almost autumn-ish feel to a brand, spanking new dewy morning ~ playing Schliech animals (a favorite toy here) with my 1 yo, Gideon ~ reading some timely and encouraging things in the Book of Numbers ~ crisp, buttery, whole wheat pancakes for the kids ~ reciting “Be Not Afraid” at breakfast with everyone, so inspiring ~ beginning the first Redwall book all over again with a new bunch of children ~ My daughter Ella and I finishing up the wonderful historical fiction book, Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit ~ nodding Queen Anne’s Lace and pale blue Chicory on the roadsides ~

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~morning walks with whatever kids are available and my husband ~ visiting a lavender farm, lavender ice cream, and lemon lavender tea, rosemary lavender soap purchased – a surfeit of lavender! ~ Zoom book study, looking at the Habits are Ten Natures section of Charlotte Mason’s Volume 1 with friends, wonderful discussions ~ 4:00 afternoon tea parties with the “Queen” ~

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~driver’s education test preparation, my 15 yo son’s gratitude for my help ~ library book pick up stacks with my middle son, uninterrupted conversation for a wee bit ~reading outdoors, under the Honey Locust~ chemistry books trickling in via the post, so thankful for living book recommendations from friends ~swinging baby and boy every afternoon in the balmy breeze ~ my 6 yo arranging the  garden tomatoes beautifully ~

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~errand date with son, little free library, pig feed pickup, drive-in ice cream, and Amish veggie stand for sweet corn ~ staying up late to watch an Avenger movie with two oldest ~ finishing The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel ~ broiling fresh sliced tomatoes with basil and a little cheese ~ clouds, black swallowtails, zinnias, hollyhocks, cosmos, barn swallows, and every other small bit of natural beauty gifted to us this week ~

What a blessed week ~ Thank You, Lord Jesus!

How was yours?

~

{I hope to make this a regular post on my blog as I want to live in a posture and attitude of gratitude, a form of ‘practicing resurrection’. These don’t mean my life is perfect and trouble free, but I’m choosing to focus on the good as a way to give thanks. Please join me on your blogs, in the comments, or on your own.}

Clive and Charlotte Converge: A Mother’s Look at 2020 so far {Part 4}

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Part 1Part 2Part 3

Lewis echoes something I’m just barely starting to see in this glorious life. That Nature shows us a teeny bit of Glory, he calls it the “first sketch” of greater glory. Isn’t that beautiful? Those little things, the wind lifting the edges of the blankets on the clothesline. That fresh loaf of bread out of the oven, eager little hands buttering a hot, thick slice. Little boy’s eyes eagerly scanning Landseer’s, The Old Shepherd’s Chief Mourner, turning to me with questions about the sad doggy, those slightly wilted bouquets of clover and Queen Anne’s lace, and the chubby hands pressed against my cheeks point to a greater something, Someone out there. A promise so glorious and so incomprehensible that our finite brains cannot begin to imagine. That “…the whole man is to drink from the fountain of joy.” p. 44, The Weight of Glory

     Lewis, in his conclusion brings we out of my rapturous musings back to earth with a bit of humorous reality, “Meanwhile, the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning. 🙂 A cleft has opened in the pitiless walls of the world, and we are invited to follow our great Captain inside.” p. 45, emphasis mine

     Following Him is the essential point he says but an equally heavy weight of glory is my neighbors. Starting with those immediately around me, am I faithfully sowing and giving and caring for those who, “all day long,” am I, “…in some degree , helping to one or other of these destinations?” Am I growing into my skin, resting Jesus’ work, lovingly sharing life, beauty, hope, and encouragement through what I value, through what I give my time to, through my words, and what I am grateful for? Is it “a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner”…remembering that there are “no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations – these are mortal, and their life is to our as the life of a gnat.” p. 46 We remember we are immortals, life will go on in one way or another after we die.

“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, – immediately or in the long run.” ~Thoreau 

     How will I spend the rest of 2020 or the next 40 years of my life? Here I am with a 1 year old and on the other end a 17 year old almost ready to graduate. How can I live and breathe in a way that reflects our true home Heaven in a world full of cheap imitations and symbols that in the end just don’t measure up? How can I live gratitude for these small glimpses of glory that echo eternity? How will I remember today to Whom I will go? My Lord and Savior, Jesus, who has the words of eternal, real and lasting life and the key to our true forever home. There is so much more in C.S. Lewis’ essay, “The Weight of Glory”, but these are a few things that jumped out to me, and I don’t want to forget.

~

Clive and Charlotte Converge: A Mother’s Look at 2020 so far {Part 3}

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Part 1 and Part 2

Picking up we left off with Lewis, he seems to be saying, I think, that our natural loves and desires are just a faint longing for something bigger than what we can understand. In the book, A Time of Gifts, travel memoirist, Patrick Leigh Fermor, shared the story of how as he trekked across a particularly bleak stretch of German wilderness, he kept himself from loneliness and despair by reciting to himself all the random snatches of poetry, recitation, Latin phrases, Shakespeare, and other bits he had memorized as a child and into early adulthood. This struck me so vividly. Mr. Fermor probably never imagined that those required tidbits or ideas would be indispensable to him later on, in his exhausted, famished physical state, but his soul and spirit were warmed by this treasury of beauty stored inside of him. The idea that in a strange and unfamiliar land, he was able to carry with him something that spoke to him of his true home, or the home of his memories, comforts, and delight. I think what Lewis goes on to say is that we see Heaven in terms of how we understand life here and now and what a poor view and inadequate one it is! Yet it is what we have for the present, as long as we keep them in proper perspective. The symbols I have can faintly represent the joy to come.

I want to fill myself, my children, and those around me with as much beauty as possible, so that any encouragement and small albeit poor glimpse of eternity can be seen or felt when we need to draw from it. Seen or felt in our mind’s eye in those cold, bleak wildernesses of life, even now in the circumstances we find our world. Personally, anything that separates people, life, Heaven, and earth from each other becomes repulsive to me quickly. Unfortunately, for me, media and the Internet often breed isolation, disjointed words without their informing ideas, or without people’s real life stories. These all turn one away from the idea that you and I are created for more. We are created for God’s pleasure and love. Lewis goes on to say that at long last I can learn,

“…that she pleases Him whom she was created to please.” p. 38

     Appreciation by God is a worthy goal that can be reached. “Perfect humility dispenses with modesty. If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself.” p.38 Again the lifelong lesson of getting comfortable in my own skin…that knowing, not pridefully who we are, but humbly acknowledging Who’s we are.

“The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God…to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness…to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son – it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is.” p. 38-39, emphasis mine

     My gratitude for this gift of life and the chance to please my loving God is so well described by Lewis’ lines above. Lewis goes on to share how especially Scriptural symbols have authority, but the things I like to call ‘truth, beauty, and goodness’ symbols that are given to me help along, “for a few minutes, the illusion of belonging to that world.” The world that is beyond this dark, fallen, sad one we live in. These glimpses and the songs, artist’s paintings, and natural beauty, Lewis contends can’t in the end do anything for us. For me, however, they have definitely given me an “…indescribable something of which they become for a moment the messengers.”

It reminds me of Jesus, coming so long ago as a babe, as God-With-Us. As I walk my motherhood journey (and I have ever so many years ahead, prayerfully) and as I continue to grow into the shape of the woman God created me to be, I see many areas of these gifts of God pointing me to our ultimate reunion with Him. Lewis explains so well how and why poets and writers speak to me…

“We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words – to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it…At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of the morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so, someday, God willing, we shall get in.” p. 42-43

Part 4 to follow ~

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clive and Charlotte Converge: A Mother’s Look at 2020 so far {Part 2}

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{Part 1}

     Those early years of doing nature walks, journals, reading all the books, and scrambling to check all the Charlotte Mason boxes, all the mothering angst over the various day-to-day decisions over meals, bed times, fights, and friends, all of the second guessing myself over my faith, my writing, and my worth starts to take on a different light. Lewis goes on to say that we can feel very much like the school boy in our faith,

“…Those who have attained everlasting life in the vision of God doubtless know very well that it is no mere bribe, but the very consummation of their earthly discipleship; but we who have not yet attained it cannot know this in the same way, and cannot even begin to know it all except by continuing to obey and finding the first reward of our obedience in our increasing power to desire the ultimate reward. Just in proportion as the desire grows, our fear lest it should be a mercenary desire will die away and finally be recognised as an absurdity. But probably this will not, for most of us, happen in a day; poetry replaces grammar, gospel replaces law, longing transforms obedience, as gradually as the tide lifts a grounded ship. ” 

p. 28, The Weight of Glory, emphasis mine

     I gather all my paper bits and books and scramble indoors as the rain is now coming in earnest. “…by continuing to obey,” Lewis said. And that’s it. The crux of some of this transformational process. Little daily repetitions add up to something lasting. Faithfulness begets fruit. We eat healthy over and over again, we turn to the promises of God day in and day out, we smile, choosing joy, over and over again. We wash that same dish again and again. We sow seeds of dailiness in our faith journey, into our children, into our art, and into truly finding out who we are to Jesus, fitting into our skin in a real way. Can I truly now begin to live? Can my 40th turn around this blue-green ball we call home be a new beginning? Can I, like Charlotte Mason, see a LONG, lifetime view of child rearing and by faith and obedience, just keep sowing? Small gifts, small obedience, adds up in the end.

“It is in the infinitely little we must study the infinitely great.”

~ Charlotte Mason, Home Education, p. 29

      Can I accept that words matter to me and I must paper and ink them out one at a time? Yet as important and life changing these revelations are to me, a life time of growing and prayerfully, continuing to grow, Lewis goes on to allude that the are all symbols of our Truest and Deepest desire…

“If transtemporal, transfinite good is our real destiny, then any other good on which our desire fixes must be in some degree fallacious, must bear at best only a symbolical relation to what will truly satisfy.”

p. 29, The Weight of Glory

     The desire for “our own far-off country”… is a “secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both.” These past seventeen years of stumbling along through the Bible, the writings of Charlotte Mason, sleepless nights of nursing, the many gorgeous rain showers, the countless meals, stories, and memories, all are glimpses of beauty that are just small peeks at the glory to come. Lewis issues a good perspective and warning to me, if I find myself flying a bit away on the heights of inspiration.

“The books or music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things – the beauty, the memory of our own past – are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the real thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.” p.30, emphasis mine

     Lewis, oh my, dear to my heart, talks about how fairy tales and for me, I believe, some fantasy helps keep the gift and knowledge that we aren’t made for this world alive. There is more to this life I’m living, a spiritual reality beyond.

“Our real goal is elsewhere.” p.31

I will continue in Part 3 ~

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