Practice resurrection.

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Marguerite Gachet In The Garden, Vincent van Gogh (1890)

I’m listening to music and tackling a mountain of dishes this afternoon. Practicing resurrection is on my heart and mind, my dear friends. What did Wendell Berry, mean exactly by that, I wonder? In his stirring poem, “Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front”,  I believe he alludes to creation that isn’t seen or measured or counted, weighting the “finished” product, place, person, or piece of art. We sing, speak, scribble, and send it off into the world without any glorious measurement of what has been done. I’ve been thinking about this as we all adjust to a slower paced world for the moment. Who am I? What is my worth? In Berry’s words, I find hope and slowly began to contemplate the coming celebration of the ultimate Resurrection. I find a tangible something that I can hold onto, even though I don’t fully understand, it flashes out as a filigree of truth and beauty swirling and spinning around me in a warm bath of light. I’m already known and am already of immeasurable worth. And so are you. You are still right now. You are at home in more ways then one. Be still and listen for the still small voice. “Do something that doesn’t compute,” and Berry’s call to “plant sequoias” rings loud and tall in my ears as a mother. It isn’t guaranteed that I will live to see the length, height, and breadth of my children’s days, yet I set in that seedling and I walk away knowing that I practiced resurrection. This isn’t something you have to do, necessarily. There are myriads of things we are told to do right now, this in Someone you find rest. A spiritual awareness of God in us, the Hope of Glory. An attitude of resurrection, that life abundant has been already given to us, we have no shadow of fear. Increase my resurrection faith, Lord! Resurrection looks like breathing in deep gratitude for the Heavenly bits here on earth. Loving deeply, living laughter, asking forgiveness, these create newness to replace the deaths. A cycle of regeneration, all things being made new. Yes, even my heart attitude and posture. The best thing about the resurrection life is that it multiplies. Truly a gift that keeps giving. And yes, tangible things like baking bread, scrubbing all these dastardly dishes, and looking deep into a love ones eyes can be part of resurrection resuscitation. An invitation to others to join into our resurrection practices, our giving of ourselves, their receiving becomes part of that cycle. Our words, our love, and our daily lives will be resurrection testimonies or most likely hidden, intimate resurrection worship for our Lord . Even if no one cares or notices, we keep at whispered prayers of our heart. Whether I live or die from a virus, I am the Lord’s precious child. I can practice right now, in these soap-sud-drenched life moments the beauty of being a creation of the resurrected Jesus. A masterpiece created to worship Him.

“My faith and my art coexist. Neither is in a closet. Everything I write is autobiographical. Even writing a recipe or directions from the airport reveal something of who I am. My faith is not unconsciously authobiographical. It is yoked to purpose, and for me that is God’s purpose for all of us on earth or anywhere else in creation we may turn up. I never ask: What is life for? The life I live is a constant answer. What I do is in the interests of others. Nobody writes, paints, sews, saws, chisels, or takes photographs twenty-four hours a day. But in all we do, we reflect our purpose – our faith, our reason for being.” –                             

Mary Duckert, p. 50, Voice of Many Waters (emphasis mine)

“Take heart, I have overcome the world.” ~ Jesus

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Patience {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #10

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Gratitude list for today:

91. unexpected compassion from a daughter that really blessed me
92. writing ideas, goals, and plans – resurrecting dreams
93. forgiveness
94. good talks with husband and kids about a hard situation, discussing deep feelings, the Bible, and conflict resolution
95. possible lead for online driver’s ed that read lessons for my dyslexic child, encouraging and helpful
96. baby boy banana grins
97. 5 yo asking to make newspaper boat in his Curious George book
98. anticipation over getting some areas organized over our lighter holiday school break
99. talking about Anne Frank with my oldest daughter
100. patience that comes when I give up expectations and rest in the Lord
~
How ’bout you? Anything on your list today?
{Thank you for joining me again this year! May our hearts be overflowing with thanksgiving always!}

Dimples {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #9

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Gratitude for today:

81. anticipation over seeing the Nutcracker in a few weeks

82. listening in on The Girl of the Limberlost, fond memories of listening to it years ago
83. dimples on my baby boy’s knuckles
84. learning to accept all the bulges and curves of my body,
silencing hateful self-talk and lies
85. getting out occasionally without nursling dear
86. baby wipes, miraculous invention, good for everything
87. plays organized and performed to youtube music by 10yo, 7 yo, and 5 yo
88. realizing that where I end, You begin – You are always with me, Jesus
89. that my husband is so handy, knows how to do so many things
90. 12 yo hugging me more, may I always receive them with pleasure, being touched out is a real thing
~
What’s on your list?

Here and Now {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #8

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Happy American Thanksgiving!

71. continually learning to live in the now, instead of always thinking of another season

72. seeing my oldest daughter in her room crocheting and listening to Shakespeare
73. the words to “Come to Jesus” by Fredrick William Faber
74. approaching Advent and the beauty of the season, namely – Jesus, Light of the World
75. Jo and Biddy in Dicken’s Great Expectations
76. dog’s ears flying behind her as she runs like the wind, her body listing to one side
77. noticing a gorgeous giant maple leaf in church parking lot, same leaf brought later unknowingly by 5yo to me
78. back of baby’s knobby, fuzzy head, stick-out ears, and darling soft neck
79. anticipation over Instagram classic book read-along next year
80. son mentioning that he thought he saw a Cedar Waxwing while hunting
(I will try to finish these tomorrow and Saturday! A little behind, but oh, such a blessing!) 
~
What’s on your list today?

Thanksgiving Eve {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #7

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Gratitude spilling over for these today:

61. playing ‘peek a boo” with 5 yo and “Tom” who is thawing in frig, “Gobble, gobble!” (our celebration with my side is on Saturday)

62.  my washing machine and dryer
63. an extra crock-pot my husband bought last year at a garage sale for .50 cents, it works great
64. hot coffee swirling with cream
65. 14 yo asking to listen to folksongs
66. son in comfy chair near window, sun shining in on him, reading
67. magnet toys and Schleich animals bring hours of fun play
68. talking of making a fabric bunting for Christmas tree with my 10yo
69. sitting with husband in deer fort while he hunts, quiet and gorgeous sunset
70. 10 yo playing Bird Bingo with 5 yo early in the morning
~
What’s on your list today?

Sky-Full of Stars {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #6

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Full of gratitude today for:

51. staring out my bedroom window in the dark, on our bellies, my 5 yo and I, looking at a sky-full of stars, endless and amazing

52. a clean desk, even just for a few moments 😉
53. the gift of prayer, something we can always do, Someone who will always listen
54. 14 yo old making baby giggle and coo, baby loves, listens, and looks for his brother’s voice
55. breakfast devotions – a favorite moment of our days, Golden Key devotional, Gospel of Mark, and poetry (Thanksgiving themed at present)
56.  5 yo delight over a simple maze in coloring book
57. making a winter bird stamp order from USPS
58. JRR Tolkien tshirt gift I know will bless my 12 yo – Tolkien’s signature symbol
59. the weather, coldish, but no snow, glimpses of sun
60. the chipping sound of a sparrow on the hedge outside the window
~
What is on your gratitude list today?

Gladsome Time {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #5

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I am grateful for…

41. potato peels on counter in interesting patterns, beauty is everywhere, even in the refuse of the day

42. Psalm 141

43. Formation of Character by Charlotte Mason discussion with mom friends, we laughed and had such a “gladsome” time

44. baby boy’s face earnestly looking up into mine, perhaps looking for milk?
45. fresh, invigorating smell of a misty, warm, foggy, and boggy morning
46. blistering hot showers, soothing sore necks, washing away tension
47. load of apples for a good price
48. talking over Christmas plans with oldest son, anticipation
49. planning and making a few Christmas surprises, Tolkien’s Letters from Father Christmas book inspiring me so much
50. fluffy, warm duvet to fall into after each late night nursing session
~
What are you grateful for today?

Sundogs {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #4

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I’m grateful for…

31. Rereading old, silly Ogden Nash poems with my younger kids, my older kids chiming in with “Isabel, Isabel,” my husband telling of how he said this poem as a child, also

32. Baking peanut butter chocolate chip cookies with 5yo, his little apron, and his excitement over getting to lick the beater
33. Thanksgiving picture books out and favorites being looked at…reading Cranberry Thanksgiving for the first time to younger child
34. Colorful children’s art on windows, helping brighten the white landscape
35.baby giggles
36. reading a picture book about the Sky Boys (workers who built the Empire State Building), intriguing conversation with children about Great Depression era and laughs about a Three Stooges parody of the Sky Boys my older children remembered
37. delicious smell of chicken simmering in crock-pot
38. Celtic flute music playing in snatches today
39. sundogs flaring out gorgeously as I drove home
40. husband and I’s Mexican food and thrifting date, little treasures found…snow-pants, a couple of books, 2 mugs, and a couple of art pieces
~
What’s on your gratitude list today?

Hush {Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #3

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I’m thankful for…

21. baby’s eyelashes resting on his cheek while he nurses

22. feeling of bread dough in my hands, sticky, squishy, then smooth
23. stillness of early mornings, the hush
24. our homeschool group, Excelsior Guild, the children and moms grow me and I love them all
25. poetry…read this one recently and it made me think:
A Betrayal
I cannot undo
           what I have done;
           I can’t un-sing
           a song that’s sung.
And the saddest thing 
      about my regret –
    
I can’t forgive me
       and you can’t forget.
-Lang Leav
26. purple, pink, and orange sunrise, tangible joy
27. reading Where the Wild Things Are over and over again with 5 yo, Ben. I bought a mug with this on it for “Back to (Home) School” and he and I just love it! We giggle every time I use it and look at each other with knowing eyes.
28. drops of water on rose petals in the sink, surprise gift from husband
29. snow on tree limbs, drooping and plopping bits down, a fizz blowing off
30. an empty Saturday, no plans in it yet
~
What’s on your gratitude list today?

Fresh and Crisp {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #2

IMG_20191019_101816_755Gratitude for…

11. Hanging out with my oldest, chuckles over the ridiculous Princess Diaries movies

12. my littlest hands while he’s nursing, he strokes or pats me, cooing and gulping

13. a made-up, use what’s on hand, breakfast “pizza”, that the children love
14. golden color of the cornfields, flaring out
15. Elizabeth Von Arnim’s The Solitary Summer, so lovely and quietly humorous
16. getting away for a few days with Husband and Baby. The colors were gorgeous while we drove
17. my nature journal. I love looking back at the little gifts from God that I’ve recorded
18. grocery store run with my 12 yo son one morning, he picked a sprinkle doughnut for me, a maple caramel type for himself
19. the joy of baby dearest and those plastic keys…all my kids have loved this toy
20. fresh, crisp black Pilot Pen with an .05 tip – love the scritch, scratch noise
~
What are you thankful for today?
(My desktop computer is undergoing maintenance- forgive wonky formatting as I’m doing this from my phone.)

Happy November! {One Hundred Bits of Gratitude by Thanksgiving 2019} #1

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1. flicker of candlelight, the shadows playing on the wall
2. the soft chatter of the children while playing LEGOS, the clink, clink sound
3. new-to-us drawing books and lessons from a friend
4  a walk in the golden-drenched, autumn-edged meadow
5. my comfy old sweater out again, holes and all
6. long naps to catch up on sleep
7. hot showers, orange-y smell of soap
8. reading Bleak House with an online book club, Dickens was AMAZING with atmosphere and with his characters
9. hot chocolate and tea being brewed up frequently now
10. dinner out with my sister recently, new industrial-type restaurant, yummy pizza and even more delicious conversation

 

 

{This is my 3rd annual blog gratitude list. I try to cultivate gratitude in my daily life by paying close attention, but this is a purposeful practice I engage in via a friend through email each year. I extended it out into my blog and I invite you to join me through your own blog, or personally, in your journal, in the comments on this post, or even just in your hearts. You can peruse my past years here if you are interested. I highly recommend this practice year round, but also find it a perfect November activity to get my heart in a proper place for the holiday season.}

~

What are you thankful for today? 

Saturday Song

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I took to the meadows today. Cloud shadows hover over a section of far-flung woods. Clouds that are low-lying, pancake-like, stretching on to eternity. Green-gold topped with clear blue are the hues of the moment, a bit of scarlet thrown in for extra flourish. A gentle hum and a soft rustle are my background music, the distant shrillness of  machinery cutting rudely in. A small getaway, pens and journals in hand, a small step for the restoration of this mother-kind.

It was a week of relationship work, of gathering together with people. The hard-heart- softening work. Charlotte Mason shares that character is the purpose of education and surely she must mean mostly the mother’s character. Encircling little cousins that visited, comforting aches and pains, you know the stuff life is made of. A birthday party, sunflower-y cake celebrating another niece. A grandpa visiting at dinner time a few nights, homemade pizza, and eking out the last few garden watermelons ripe with late summer. Homeschool friends gathering around the craft and drawing table, turning ears, lifting voices, searching the depths of Van Gogh’s “The Potato Eaters.” Chocolate chip zucchini muffins shared and lovely conversations with other mothers. Francis Bacon and Jane Austen’s Persuasion discussed and quotes swapped. The long van rides, parking next to the riot of purple morning glories, heart leaves twining around my own fleshly heart. The long minutes spent talking, listening, soothing. The loudness of it all becoming magnified by low sleep. My comfy bedside chair became a revolving door for hurts, concerns, laughs, plans, book chats, and dreams. Heavy chair.

The spent, shriveled Queen Anne’s lace nods it’s weary head next to mine. The long expanse and deep view of it all overwhelms me. The wind whips my page over, a glorious, grassy, earthy, clover-y smell dives deep into my nostrils, winging through my lungs, truly refreshing. Beyond the ridge, up and out of a valley of trees, a golden soybean (or is it wheat?) field lies as a bright beacon drawing my thirsty eyes. It reminds me of the hymn I’ve been reading with the children called “Come to Jesus” by Fredrick Faber and how I read it this week accompanied with music. There’s certainly a wideness in God’s mercy, a wideness of the sea or even these vast fields. A small spider crawls up a large weed stalk next to my chair. Oh, my soul sings.

The exhaustion, countless meals, and the schedule threatening to drown unless I stop to see. To admire the three leaves with pale mimicking triangles on the clover, the grasshoppers, and yes, again with those clouds. The beauty of another week becomes my Saturday song. Sure, there were discordant moments, a screech here, and a blast there, but I see. In the midst of reading Mark in the Holy Scriptures together at the hot oatmeal breakfast table, rolling out dough, wiping noses, giving neutralizer treatments. During the washing and drying of towels till they’re soft, fragrant, and fluffy, I see just that small bit of glory. I see a little of the “peace that just begins when ambition ends.”* I’m reminded that I’m on a journey, I don’t need to rush, worry. I can just watch the bumblebee on the goldenrod, wash a dish fresh, open a soybean and a milkweed pod with my 7 yo, walk through grass and white clover, with the dew dampening my toes, steam rising from my coffee. I get to read piles of board books to my 5 yo and 5 month old, catch the edges of fog that lies in the ditches, around corners, and under trees, walk out after late night nursing sessions to gaze at the stars. I get to read about the Knit Your Bit campaign during the World Wars to the intrigue and delight of the children, light the black taper candles as the night draws to a close, and I am always amazed at the little tune of gratitude just hovering inches away ready for me to snatch if I will just listen, if I will just see.

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*The Cloud of Witness, p. 362